The Professor

John Ryan writes a column every month for the Walton Reporter. In his most recent column, John’s imaginary friend ‘the Professor’ offered some insight into the type of nation, we have become. John wrote:

On opening the door to Charlie’s Place, I spotted the Professor sitting alone at the end of the bar, perusing the paper.

"It’s good to see that you’re staying informed," I said, "Where’s Doc?."

"Well," he said, "It appears that our friend’s Beloved has decided that he’s becoming too portly and that he must go on a diet. She says that she wants him to be her hunk, not her chunk. So, he’s changing his lifestyle and initiating a Spartan way-of-life. Right now, I picture him in front of his hearth sipping herbal tea and calibrating his calorie-counter."

I was astounded . "I can’t believe it!" I replied.

"It’s true," said the Professor. "It’s questionable as to how long he’ll be able to maintain this way of life. He said that we will be seeing him from time-to-time as he intends to exempt himself from this rigorous regimen on weekends and holidays which I’m sure will include Cinco de Mayo, Buddha’s Birthday and the Dutch Tulip Festival."

"He’ll last a week," I said.

"In the meantime I sit here with the local daily which doesn’t really offer too much news but, now and then an entertaining tidbit presents itself - not all the laughs are on the comics page. To wit: On Page 1, Mr Stephen Hadley, the president’s National Security Adviser, pooh-poohs any kind of boycott of the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Beijing. Our freedom-loving president may attend them even though the Chinese have been busting skulls in Tibet for a period of time. ‘Quiet diplomacy,’ says Mr. Hadley, is a better way to deal with China than ‘frontal confrontation.’ Doesn’t that strike you as amazing? An administration that has initiated two wars, five years of unnecessary bloodshed in Iraq and that is presently sword rattling at Iran now talks of ‘quiet diplomacy.’"

"There’s nothin’ like a nation havin’ a billion people and a nuclear arsenal to make us consider a different approach," said Charlie as he replaced our glasses

"That’s probably why Iran wants a bomb - it’s a good insurance policy," I said. "Notice that we’re not threatening North Korea, the third member of the ‘axis of evil’- it has a couple of them in its closet. You strong arm the ones you can but, with others, it’s ‘quiet diplomacy’ especially when they also control a trillion dollars of your debt."

"And here in a local weekly, there’s a ‘guest editorial’ by a Republican ward heeler, a Mr. Sandy Treadwell. He takes the House of Representatives to task for not passing the president’s surveillance bill. I’m surprised that the newspaper gave its editorial space to a piece that is so self-serving since Mr. Treadwell is running for the House seat now occupied by the Democrat Kirsten Gillibrand. His main complaint is that the House bill is different from the Senate’s and it doesn’t give the president what he wants. ‘Blatant partisanship,’ says Mr. Treadwell, that creates ‘legal hoops’ and ‘political gridlock.’ It appears that Mr. Treadwell thinks that nobody should differ with ‘Beloved Leader.’ However, the House demurred for good reason - the Senate bill would have authorized warrantless wiretapping and left our spying establishment with no judicial restraint or control, a gigantic spying agency at the service and control of the president. Such power to one man is completely unacceptable.

"You know, John, if we ever had questions about how the Nazis came to power in a country as civilized and cultured as Germany, we shouldn’t have any now because the same thing may be happening here. First, there’s a threat - for Germany it was the communists, for us it’s terrorism. Then comes the fear - make the population believe that their lives, property and the very nation are in peril. Then comes the increased concentration of power in one man since the mechanics of democracy are far too clumsy for fighting the threat. Then the denunciation of those who show any reluctance to follow along - they’re undermining the country, giving aid to and abetting the enemy. If you’re not wearing a lapel pin your loyalty is questioned. Secrecy becomes the rule, not for ‘reasons-of-state’ as in the past but for ‘national security’ and the restriction of rights and due process is required to make things more difficult for those who would do us harm. So we end up with a leader with full powers - in Germany it was der Fuhrer, with us it may be the Commander-in-Chief - the one who is going to lead us out of danger and make things right again.

"It’s possible that it could happen here - that we’ll become a nation of secrecy, conformity, conquest and dungeons - and, like the Germans, we may not know it until it’s too late."