Do You Believe?
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a diversion for not being able to find bin Laden.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, politicians and judges must be allowed to make those decisions for her.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to members of Congress, the White House and the Supreme Court is necessary, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
12. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and Russ Limbaugh needs our prayers for his recovery.
If these are your beliefs, I’m betting that you’ll vote Republican in November.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a diversion for not being able to find bin Laden.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
5. A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, politicians and judges must be allowed to make those decisions for her.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to members of Congress, the White House and the Supreme Court is necessary, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
10. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
12. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and Russ Limbaugh needs our prayers for his recovery.
If these are your beliefs, I’m betting that you’ll vote Republican in November.
posted by Jim O'Leary | 12:00 AM
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